What’s this about New Year’s Resolutions? And why should I care?
Yesterday I heard my CGs (that would be my Caregivers, those strange two-leggers that put food in my bowl and take me and Stupid Shadow for walks) talking about Resolutions. They seem to be kind of like promises to do something that they’ve been meaning to do for a long time but haven’t gotten to yet. Or they got to it, but then quit. Or they never did it in the first place. Or they hope to get to it this year. Seems odd to me.
I was lying on top of my CG licking her while she was trying to look around me at the big glowing square thingy with pictures that move. Since I was about two inches from her nose, and she couldn’t see around me, she looked at me kind of cross-eyed and said, “Muffin, you’re a mess.”
Excuse me. I’m not a mess. I am a Cockapoo. There’s a difference here. But it seems the CG wants me to come up with what I promise to do so I can be a better dog this coming year. I don’t think I need to do anything. I’m just wonderful the way I am. But maybe I could improve a little. So here are my resolutions.
I PROMISE NOT TO BITE PEOPLE. I haven’t actually bitten anyone, much. Maybe a nip at the neighbors, but they have that big ugly dog. And I will admit, maybe when a friend of the CG’s named Mike leaned in the car window the other day, I nipped at him. My CG yelled at me so I guess she didn’t like it. But I think he didn’t have any business sticking his nose in my car. Keep out of my way and I’ll keep out of yours. But, okay, I’ll try not to.
I PROMISE NOT TO BARK AT THE BROWN TRUCK GUY. I know my CG gets upset when I run out the cat door barking when the brown truck pulls up in the front yard. But, criminy, I’m just defending our territory. I’m letting her know there is an invader out there. And he always goes away when I bark, so I think I’m doing a bang-up good job. But, okay, I’ll try not to.
I PROMISE NOT TO GROWL AT STUPID SHADOW. That’s another thing my CG seems to get upset about. Ever since Stupid Shadow found me beside the road, I’ve done my very best to tell her I AM the boss. Just because she is twice my size and older than I am, she needs to learn that when we go out for a walk or get in the car, I always go first. I have to growl to tell her I am the leader of our pack. She really needs to accept it. And so does the CG. But, okay, okay, I’ll try not to.
I PROMISE NOT TO CHASE THE BLACK-AND-WHITES. Right. Like that’s really going to happen. It’s not my fault they run. And if they run, they are going to get chased. It’s part of the program. Besides Fats, the other cat, likes it when I chase them. She doesn’t like the Black-and-whites, especially not Tex. I’ll try not to, but I think that is a forlorn hope.
I PROMISE NOT TO BEG FOR FOOD WHEN THE CG’S ARE EATING. I still don’t understand why they get upset at me. All I do is sit and
stare at them. Maybe I look a little mournful and I jump up and down to get their attention. That seems to work really well for me. I consider it part of their training. How are they supposed to know if I don’t tell them? But, okay, okay, OKAY, I’ll try not to.
I’m sure there are other things that my CG would like for me to promise, but I think that is more than enough for now. It is hard for a Cockapoo to change. Don’t my CGs break most of their resolutions anyway?
I said I would try.